– Dark Humor Jokes –
If you are among those set of people who just have really disgusting senses of humor and laugh at effects that really should not be funny. Then, we got you covered! You’ve come to the right place. We have compiled a list of dark humor jokes for you.
However, still relax, If you do have a dark sense of humor. It is not a bad thing, some studies have indeed shown that those who enjoy dark humor jokes may indeed be more intelligent than the average person.
Dark humour jokes may not be the best way to break the ice with your co-workers or in-laws but your friends or equally twisted members of your family may crack a few smiles.
Telling dark humor jokes is a toss-up, but it’s always better to take the risk!
The Best Dark Humor Jokes
1. The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.
2. A son tells his father, “I have an imaginary girlfriend.” The father sighs and says, “You know, you could do better.” “Thanks, Dad,” the son says. The father shakes his head and goes, “I was talking to your girlfriend.”
3. Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket? “Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.”
4. What’s the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy ? One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.
5. A kid decided to burn his house down. His dad watched tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, “That’s arson.”
6. I like to spend my weekends playing chess with old men in the park. It’s not easy. You try finding thirty-two old guys.
7. What’s worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into an apple and finding half a worm.
8. My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my younger brother.
9. Did you hear about Doughboy? He died of a yeast infection.
10. “Welcome back to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today!”
Dark Humor Jokes on Twitter
11. “I have good and bad news,” the doctor said to his patient. “Give me the good news first,” the patient said. “Your test results are back,” the doctor said, “and you have only two days to live.” “That’s the good news?” the patient exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?” “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”
12. I hate double standards. Burn a body at a , you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”
13. My favourite novel is The Hunchback of . I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.
14. When ordering food at a restaurant, I asked the waiter how they prepare their chicken. “Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
15. A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, “Hey mister, it’s getting really dark and I’m scared.” The man replies, “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”
16. My grief counsellor died the other day. He was so good at his job, I don’t even care.
17. I’d like to have kids one day. I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
18. Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off? He’s all right now!
19. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
20. I just got my doctor’s test results and I’m really upset about it. Turns out, I’m not gonna be a doctor.
21. My grief counsellor died. He was so good, I don’t even care.
Dark Humor Black Jokes
22. Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera.
23. A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
24. As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
25. I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
26. The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash. He said I was a sight for .
27. Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
28. I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
Dark Humor Jokes Reddit
29. Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.
30. A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”
31. My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
32. What does my dad have in common with Nemo? They both can’t be found.
33. I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
34. When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favourite beer mug. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
35. Do you know the phrase “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.
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Funniest Dark Humor Jokes
36. My husband left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what he’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!
37. Why did the man miss the funeral? He wasn’t a mourning person.
38. It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
39. Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.
40. When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or https://innaija.com.ng/articles/best-dark-humor-jokes/romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.
41. Give a man a match, and he
’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
42. My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
Funny Dark Humor Jokes Part 2
43. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
44. A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, “Do you have any last requests?” “Yes,” replies the murderer. “Can you please hold my hand?”
45. I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.
46. The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
47. You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
48. Where did Joe go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.
49. What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
50. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
Good Dark Humor Jokes
51. My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister.
52. What did the Titanic say as it sank? I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!
53. Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”
54. How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
55. I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.
56. They laughed at my crayon drawing. I laughed at their chalk outline.
57. My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
58. I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them works.
59. The most corrupt CEOs are the ones who run companies. They’re always so twisted.
60. To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
Very Dark Humor Jokes
61. I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put down.
62. You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
63. I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.
64. What’s the difference between a hipster and a football player? A football player showers.
65. I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page.
66. The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
67. Why can’t Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school? Because he’s dead.
68. “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
69. It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. But, I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
70. I just got my doctor’s test results and I’m really upset. Turns out, I’m not gonna be a doctor.
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Funny Dark Humor Jokes
71. As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
72. The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash. He said I was a sight for .
73. A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree complains. “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”
74. My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!
75. They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it’s poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.
76. “What’s your name, son?” The principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” “Do you have a stutter?” the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”
No Limits Dark Humor Jokes
77. When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or https://innaija.com.ng/articles/best-dark-humor-jokes/romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
78. I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.
79. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
80. Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face. For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
81. I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day. It was impossible to put down.
82. The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
Short Dark Humor Jokes
83. Never break someone’s heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
84. I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”
85. It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
86. What’s the difference between jelly and jam? You can’t jelly a clown into the tiny car.
87. “I work with animals,” the guy says to his date. “That’s so sweet,” she replies. “I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?” “I’m a ,” he says.
88. Why was the leper hockey game cancelled? There was a face-off in the corner.
89. Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus. And I lost my job as a bus driver!
90. “Just say NO to drugs!” Well, If I’m talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.
91. I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere. “Dark Humor Jokes”
Super Dark Humor Jokes
92. It’s important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words ‘antidote’ and ‘anecdote,’ one of my good friends would still be alive.
93. What’s the last thing to go through a fly’s head as it hits the windshield of a car going 70 mph? Its butt.
94. An apple a day keeps th
e doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
95. Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line.
96. I have a fish that can breakdance! Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
97. Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling , but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst.
98. I have a joke about trickle-down economics. But 99% of you will never get it.
Really Dark Humor Jokes
99. My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me. “She obviously has COVID,” my wife said. “Why?” I asked. My wife replied with a sneer, “Because she has no taste.”
100. I heard Sony’s coming out with a new console during the pandemic. It’s called the .
101. Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day. Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
102. I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I liked the execution.
103. My wife of 60 years told me, “Let’s go upstairs and make love.” I just sighed and said, “Choose one, I can’t do both.”
104. What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can’t be found. “Dark Humor Jokes”
105. A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, “I’m sorry, but you only have ten left.” The patient asks him, “Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?” The doctor calmly looks at him and says, “Nine.”
106. I wasn’t close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a .
107. My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!” They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
108. My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!
109. My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don’t even care.
110. Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera.
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Frequently Asked Questions About Dark Humor Jokes
1. What are Some Clever and Dark Yet Funny Jokes?
A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree complains. “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!
2. What is the Best Dirty Joke You Have Heard?
What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? “I want you inside me.”
“Give it to me! Give it to me!” she yelled. “I’m so wet, give it to me now!” She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
3. What are Some ‘Roses are Red, Violets are Blue’ Jokes?
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Who is your daddy,
And what does he do?
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
White wine costs less,
Than dinner for two.
4. What is the Best Dark/Black Humour Joke you have Come Across?
A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”
My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
5. Which Disney Animated Movie has the Darkest Plot?
Arguably the darkest film in the entire Disney animated canon is the 1996 film The Hunchback of Notre Dame. The movie opens with Frollo killing Quasimodo’s mother and attempting to kill an infant Quasimodo before he is forced to stop
Did you laugh out loud even though you know you probably shouldn’t have? If so, then it was probably a horrific joke that some would categorize as “dark humor”—and it’s not for everyone, obviously but for you.
Please don’t hesitate to share these articles with friends and loved ones on all social media platforms to also put a smile on their faces.
StudentsandScholarship Team.
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