The 2011 comedy New Girl had seven seasons. It’s a fun show about a bright but incredibly naive elementary school teacher who, after a painful breakup, moves in with a bunch of twenty-something men in a gorgeous loft apartment in Los Angeles’ Art District. Read from the movie.
New Girl Quotes
Enjoy below, some of the amazing quotes from the comedy show.
1. “You’re about to say something stupid, aren’t you?” -Cece
2. “There’s nothing like the feel of a fire, a fresh-baked cookie and the sweet, sweet taste of crack in your lungs.” -Winston Bishop
3. “I’m exhausted. I feel like a single mom in a mop commercial.” -Aly
4. “I’m sorry we’re not going this weekend.”
5. “I like being weird.” -Jess
6. “Dammit! I can’t find my driving moccasins anywhere.” -Schmidt
7. “They’re not best friends.”
8. “I can’t go to jail! I’m too sarcastic for the white gangs!” – Nick
9. “Did you say free?”
10. “You guys are ruling women out based on their breast size? It’s the least important part of a woman’s body! Unless you’re a baby. Are you guys babies?” – Jessica
11. “You like me? You like my personality?” – Schmidt “New girl quotes”
12. “Because it’s a great story, and I’m a teller of stories.” -Nick
13. “If I were off my rocker, would I take a weekly selfie with my cat?” -Winston Bishop
14. “That’s like the president and the vice president not being best friends.” -Winston
15. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know it was my fault that your life sucks and you’re so miserable.” – Winston
16. “If you need me, I’ll be in my room listening to some mainstream hip-hop.” -Schmidt
17. “It was me. Having sex. I left my body, went up to heaven, saw my grandparents, thought it was weird that I saw my grandparents, came back down. I became a werewolf. I scared some teenagers. I came back into my body. Only thing is, he thinks my name is Katie, and that I’m a dancer and or something involving puppets.” –Jess
Funny Quotes
18. “We are literally the most embarrassing people on the planet.” -Jess
19. “I was sabotaged by my baby box.” – Jessica
20. “Can I interest you in some white noise?” -Winston Bishop
21. “This is my jam.” -Coach
22. “I’m gonna end up alone. I’m gonna be a single old lady, flashing people on the subway.” —Jess Day
23. “There are plenty of things to be down about: The deficit, air pollution in China, The Hobbit wasn’t very good…” “New girl quotes”
24. “Go put a dollar in the jar right now.” -Coach
25. “If you are for one second suggesting that I don’t know how to open a musical, how dare you!” -Schmidt
26. “Jealous because I’m the True American.” -Coach
27. “It’s a horrible neighborhood. There are youths everywhere.” – Schmidt
28. “I got my own damn cake and you can’t have none!” -Winston Bishop
29. “I can’t find my driving moccasins anywhere.” -Schmidt
30. “You’re making me cry with emotions!” -Schmidt
31. “I missed the moment when everybody got cool about sex.” —Jess Day
32. “It’s perfectly fine to watch TV all day.” -Nick
33. “I don’t deal with exes, they’re a part of the past. You burn them swiftly and give their ashes to Poseidon!” “New girl quotes”
34. “I don’t like it. It’s too much responsibility.” -Nick
35. “Any time a man wants to show a woman how to do something from behind, it’s just because he wants an excuse to get real close and breathe on her neck. Watch any sports movie.” – Nick
36. “I need everyone to shut up.” -Coach
37. “That’s like the president and the vice president not being best friends.”
38. “Are we eating or are we not eating?” –Winston
Sarcastic Quotes
39. “Nick isn’t even a man. He’s some kind of man-boy, man-child hybrid. The other day I had to tell him not to pull a dog’s tail.” – Jessica
40. “Can we just take a minute to celebrate me?” – Schmidt
41. “Do you realize I say goodnight to you every night, and you never say goodnight back?” –Winston “New girl quotes”
42. “For the first time in my life, I’m not 100% broke.” – Coach
43. “My first crush was on a Batman cake, but my first sexual feelings were about teenage Simba because he was really hot, and I still actually find him hot.” -Jess
44. “Look, it’s food. I love food.” – Jess
45. “I haven’t done laundry in five months.” -Nick
46. “I hate when Schmidt cries. He sounds like a ghost singing ‘Hey Ya.’” -Coach
47. “I’m the best with pranks. They call me Prank Sinatra!” – Winston
48. “Blast from the past, how’s that ass?” -Jess
49. “Brown hair, smile that would shake the Earth, hates peas?” –Schmidt
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Schmidt Quotes
50. “Any time a man wants to show a woman how to do something from behind it’s just because he wants an excuse to get real close and breathe on her neck. Watch any sports movie.”
51. “Nick doesn’t have a life plan. He doesn’t have a day plan. I once found a note that he wrote to himself that said, ‘Put on pants.” “New girl quotes”
52. “I want to kill you, because I respect you. Jess! I think I understand hunting!” –
53. “Look at that font! What is this? Amateur hour? At least use Palatino.” – Nick
54. “I’m 30 years old, and I’ve peed in every pool I’ve been into. Every single one.” – Nick
55. “I might as well call you Bridge to Terabithia because you make children cry.” – Jessica
56. “Everything you say sounds really creepy when you’re not wearing pants.” -Jess
57. “There’s nothing like the feel of a fire, a fresh-baked cookie, and the sweet, sweet taste of crack in your lungs.” – Winston
58. “But It’s free.”
59. “I want to sit at that desk and veto a law.” – Nick
60. “Nick isn’t even a man. He’s some kind of man-boy, man-child hybrid. The other day I had to tell him not to pull a dog’s tail.” -Jess
61. “Sometimes when you make a mistake, all you can do is own up to it, all right?” -Winston Bishop “New girl quotes”
62. “Put on some pants, or at least some really high socks.” -Jess
63. “You know, sometimes I feel like I’ve never really felt love.” -Winston Bishop
64. “I hope you like feminist rants, because that’s kind of my thing.” –Jess
Quotes and Sayings
65. “You will not build her that dresser. It’s furniture. It implies that you will one day share it.” -Winston
66. “I’m probably fine. But I also might be dead.” -Jess
67. “You know what I learned from the internet? We’ve got nothing to worry about.” -Winston Bishop
68. “Please don’t make me laugh at you.” -Cece
69. “I don’t want to kiss and tell, but I ruined my dresser during intercourse. Will you go to Ikea with me?” -Jess
70. “I’d give you a hug, but my shirt smells pretty weird today.” – Nick
71. “I like getting older, I feel like I’m aging into my personality.” -Nick Miller
72. “Saturday is a day for sleeping, and damn it, you will not take that away from me!” -Winston
73. “You know what sucks about getting older? Your friends have known you for way too long. They’ve got too much on you. I want friends who still lie to me because they don’t want to hurt my feelings. I sadly kind of mean that.” -Nick Miller
74. “Youths!” -Schmidt
75. “Nick doesn’t have a life plan. He doesn’t have a day plan. I once found a note that he wrote to himself that said, put on pants.” “New girl quotes”
76. “You have the right… to remain hugged.” -Coach
77. “Are you cooking a frittata in a saucepan? What is this—prison?” – Schmidt
78. “You like me? You like my personality?” -Schmidt
79. “You’re allowed to be happy, but it’s really annoying the way you’re doing it.” -Nick
80. “I’ll take the strongest drink you have, and also a wine spritzer on the side in case I don’t like it.” – Jessica
81. “Oh, I would. But I have to stay here and eat pretzels.” –Aly
Mick Miller Quotes
82. “You gave me a cookie, I gave you a cookie.” -Nick
83. “Because once you see my body, you will go brain-dead and have memory loss.’ Send. Oh, no! Autocorrect changed ‘body’ to meat bar.” “New girl quotes”
84. “My first crush was on a Batman cake, but my first sexual feelings were about teenage Simba because he was really hot, and I still actually find him hot.” – Jessica
85. “You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol; you treat an inside wound with drinking alcohol. Science.” – Nick
86. “It’s a weird life, but it’s where I’m at right now.” -Nick
87. “So when I do the chicken dance, I do it a little differently. Instead of doing claps, I like to do a peck. It’s more realistic.” – Jessica
88. “You’re my mama bear, girl.” -Jess
89. “I’m only attracted to guys who are afraid of success and think someone famous stole their idea.” -Jess
90. “You’re making a huge, life-ruining mistake by moving in with a woman who turned you into an agoraphobic, turtle-faced, borderline alcoholic.” – Jessica
91. “I’m as mad as a dad in traffic!” –Schmidt
92. “Yeah.”
93. “I’ve never been an inspiration before. I don’t like this much responsibility.” – Nick
94. “I’m probably fine. But I also might be dead.” – Jessica
95. “If I were off my rocker, would I take a weekly selfieweekly selfie with my cat?” -Winston
96. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know it was my fault that your life sucks and you’re so miserable.” –Winston Bishop “New girl quotes”
97. “I can’t believe I’m the sober one. That’s actually never happened before in my life.” -Nick Miller
98. “Look, we’re not trying to be mean. We just don’t want you to be yourself… in any way.” -Nick
Short Quotes
99. “I can’t believe I’m the sober one. That’s actually never happened before in my life.” – Nick
100. “I’m just feeling a little insecure about my body… and the way it is connected to my face.” -Winston Bishop
101. “I’ll take the strongest drink you have, and also a wine spritzer on the side in case I don’t like it.” -Jess
102. “Jess, why did you do that? You know how he gets, he turns into a cartoon elephant of yesteryear who just saw a mouse.” – Nick
103. “Do you think that if I were a gold digger, I’d be interested in you? I would be the worst gold digger in the world!” “New girl quotes”
104. “I just wanted to listen to Taylor Swift alone!” -Jess
105. “No, I’m not watching Dirty Dancing.” -Jess
106. “You know what we should watch? Have you guys ever seen ‘Fame’?” – Jessica
107. “The economy stinks, bees are dying, and movies are pretty much all sequels now.” –Schmidt
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Entertaining Quotes
108. “I feel like I want to murder someone, and also I want soft pretzels.” -Jess Day
109. “I am not a successful adult. I don’t eat vegetables and/or take care of myself.” – Nick
110. “I don’t dance! I’m from that town in ‘Footloose.’” – Nick
111. “Don’t pretend to know my pain.” -Schmidt
112. “I have decided to give up on women and put all of that energy into tomatoes.” -Nick Miller
113. “Come on, everybody knows they’re best friends.”
114. “Nick doesn’t have a life plan—he doesn’t even have a day plan. I once found a note that he wrote to himself that said, ‘put on pants’.” – Jessica
115. “Ugh, couples! Boo. Hiss.” —Jess Day
116. “I’ve never been an inspiration before. I don’t like this much responsibility.” – Nick
117. “I want to kill you because I respect you. Jess! I think I understand hunting!” “New girl quotes”
118. “I was sabotaged by my baby box.” -Jess
119. “Nick Miller, turning lemonade into lemons since 1981.” – Nick
120. “I might as well call you Bridge to Terabithia because you make children cry.” – Jess
The show makes use of the awkward situations that young adults encounter while attempting to forge relationships, careers, and identities. This program is flawless in every way and we hope you enjoyed some of its quotes put up for you.
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