Monty Python and the Holy Grail is filled with extraordinary wit and comedy, it is expertly constructed to charm every spectator. In the film, King Arthur and his knights are shown searching for the Holy Grail. Find out more from these Monty python and the holy grail quotes.
Monty Python and the Holy Grail Quotes
This laughter-inducing quotes from Monty Python and the Holy Grail have endured the test of time, and their actions is enough to make anyone smile. Read on to learn more.
1. “Help! Help! I’m being repressed! Come see the violence inherent in the system! Violence inherent in the system!” – Dennis
2. “No, now go away before I taunt you a second time.” – French Soldier
3. “I’m not quite dead yet!” – Old Man
4. “Don’t like her? What’s wrong with her. She’s beautiful, she’s rich, she’s got huge … tracts of land.” – King of the Swamp Castle
5. “We want A SHRUBBERY!” – Knights
6. “Tis but a flesh wound!” – Black Knight
7. “Bring out your dead!” – Cart Master
8. King Arthur: “I didn’t know you were called Dennis.”
9. Dennis: “Well you didn’t bother to find out did you?” “Monty python and the holy grail quotes”
10. ” Did you dress her up like this?” -Sir Bedevere
11. “NO! No, no, no, no, no, no…” – Villagers
12. One Villager: “Yes.”
13. “Yes. Yes. Yes. A bit. Yes. A bit. A bit.” -Villagers
14. “On second thought, let’s not go to Camelot. ‘Tis a silly place.” – Arthur
15. “This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let’s not bicker and argue about who killed who.” – King of the Swamp Castle
Quotes and Sayings
16. “We apologize again for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked have been sacked.”
17. “Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?” – Soldier
18. “Well, I didn’t vote for you.” – Peasant Woman
19. “She turned me into a newt.” “Monty python and the holy grail quotes”
20. “I got better.” -Villager B
21. “We dine well here in Camelot. We eat ham and jam and spam a lot.” – Knights of Camelot
22. “’Course it’s a good idea!” – God
23. “If…she…weighs the same as a duck……she’s made of wood.” – Villager
24. “I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food through wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.” – French knight to King Arthur
25. “We are the knights who say ‘Ni!’” – Knights of Ni
26. “Don’t like her? What’s wrong with her? She’s beautiful. She’s rich. She’s got huge…tracts of land” – King of Swamp Castle
27. “Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth.” – Tim the Enchanter
28. “And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, ‘O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.” “Monty python and the holy grail quotes”
29. “But if he was dying, he wouldn’t bother to carve ‘Aargh.’ He’d just say it.” – King Arthur
30. “No chance, English bedwetting types! I burst my pimples at you and call your door-opening request a silly thing, you tiny-brained wipers of other people’s bottoms!” – French knight
King Arthur
31. “It is I, Arthur, Son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, sovereign of all England.” – King Arthur
32. “Follow. But! Follow only if ye be men of valour, for the entrance to this cave, is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived! Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth.” – Tim
33. Below are some Monty Python and The Holy Grail quotes you might have heard before.
34. “This new learning amazes me Sir Bedevere. Explain to me again how sheep’s bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.” – King Arthur
35. “Dennis! There’s some lovely filth down here!” – Woman
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Dialogue Quotes
36. “Well, don’t. It’s just like those miserable psalms, always so depressing.” – God
37. “Would it help to confuse it if we run away more?” – Sir Robin
38. “If I went ’round sayin’ I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!” “Monty python and the holy grail quotes”
39. “This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let’s not bicker and argue about who killed who.” – King of the Swamp Castle
40. “Listen, strange women lyin’ in ponds distributin’ swords is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony!” – Dennis
41. “You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!” – Sir Robin
42. “Agh! Do your worst!” – Old Crone
43. Three-Headed Knight: (First Head) “I say let’s kill him.”
54. “Oh, stop your whining. First, we kill him, then we have biscuits and tea.” –Sir Galahad
45. “No biscuits. Let’s just kill him already.”
46. King Arthur”You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me?”
47. “You make me sad.”
48. “Consult the Book of Armaments!
49. King Arthur “You’re a loony! “Monty python and the holy grail quotes”
50. Dennis: “Help, I’m being oppressed. Come and see the violence inherent in the system.
51. Dennis: “We’re an anarcho-syndicalist commune.
52. Sir Robin: “You mankey Scots git! -What does he do nibble ya bum?
53. King Arthur: “Right. One… two… five!”
55. King Arthur: “Three!”
56. King Arthur: “Old woman.”
57. Dennis: “Man.”
58. King Arthur: “Man, sorry.”
59. “Just a flesh wound.” – The Black Knight
Monty Python
60. “You don’t frighten us, English pig dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person! I blow my nose at you, so-called “Arthur King,” you and all your silly English K-nig-hts.” – French Soldier
61. “Well, now, uh, Launcelot, Galahad, and I, wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French by surprise – not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!”- Sir Bedevere
62. “I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough water! I fart in your general direction!” “Monty python and the holy grail quotes”
63. “It is I, Arthur, Son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, sovereign of all England.” – King Arthur
64. “You’ve got two empty ‘alves of coconuts and you’re bangin’ em together!” – Guard
65. “Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!” – French Solider
66. “Come on you pansy!”
67. “Come ‘ere!”
68. “Ohhh, had enough, eh?”
69. “Just a flesh wound.”
70. “Chicken! Chicken!”
71. “Look, I’ll have your leg. Right!” Arthur cuts off the Black Knight’s leg.” -Arthur
72. Right, “I’ll do you for that!” -Black Knight
73. “You’ll what?” -Arthur
74. “I’m invincible!”
75. “The Black Knight always triumphs! Have at you! Come on then.”
76. “All right; we’ll call it a draw.” -Black Knight
77. “Oh, oh, I see, running away then. You yellow bastard! Come back here and take what’s coming to you. I’ll bite your legs off!” “Monty python and the holy grail quotes”
78. “You must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest… WITH… A HERRING!” – Knight
79. “Look, that rabbit’s got a vicious streak a mile wide! It’s a killer!” – Tim
Funny Quotes
80. “O Knights of Ni, you are just and fair, and we will return with a shrubbery.” – King Arthur
81. “Run away!” – King Arthur
82. “I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.” – French Soldier
83. “Stop! That’s enough singing for now.” – Sir Robin
84. “Well, you have to know these things when you’re a king, you know.” – King Arthur
85. “Well, now, uh, Launcelot, Galahad, and I wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French by surprise – not only by surprise but totally unarmed!” – Sir Bedevere
86. “What are you going to do, bleed on me?” – King Arthur
87. “That Rabbit’s Dynamite!!” – King Arthur “Monty python and the holy grail quotes”
88. King Arthur: “So, where is this beast?”
89. Patsy/Soothsayer: “Don’t you see it? It’s there, right in front of you!”
90. King Arthur:” What, he’s in the cave behind that rabbit”
91. Patsy/Soothsayer: “It is the rabbit!”
92. King Arthur: “… You silly sod!”
93. Zoot/Dingo:” And after the spanking, the oral sex!”
94. Sir Galahad: “Well, I suppose I could stay a bit longer.”
95. Sir Lancelot: “I thought your son was a girl.”
96. King: “That’s understandable”
97. King Arthur: Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest. If he can provide us food and shelter for the night he can join us on the quest for the Holy Grail.”
98. French: Well, I’ll ask him, but I don’t think he’d be very keen. He’s already got one you see?”
99. King Arthur: (puzzled) What?” “Monty python and the holy grail quotes”
100. Sir Galahad: “They said they already got one.”
Short Conversations
101. Old Man: “What is your name?”
102. Sir Galahad: “Sir Galahad.”
103. Old Man: “What is your quest?”
104. Sir Galahad: “I seek the Holy Grail.”
105. Old Man: “What, is your favorite color?”
106. Sir Galahad: “Red. No! Blue-” (Falls into the pit)
107. King: “You only killed the bride’s father, you know.”
108. Sir Lancelot: “Well, I didn’t mean to.” “Monty python and the holy grail quotes”
109. King: “Didn’t mean to? You put your sword right through his head.”
110. Sir Lancelot: “Oh dear… is he all right?”
111. “We are the knights who say ‘Ni!’”- Knights of Ni
112. “Every time I try to talk to someone it’s ‘sorry this’ and ‘forgive me that’ and ‘I’m not worthy.’” – God
113. “Help! Help! I’m being repressed! Come see the violence inherent in the system! Violence inherent in the system!” – Dennis
114. “Bring out your dead!” – Cart Master
115. “Don’t like her? What’s wrong with her. She’s beautiful, she’s rich, she’s got huge … tracts of land.” – King of the Swamp Castle
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Enjoyable Quotes
116. “Tis but a flesh wound!” – Black Knight
117. “Arthur, King of the Britons, your Knights of the Round Table shall have a task to make them an example in these dark times.” – God
118. “We shall say ‘Ni!’ again to you if you do not appease us.” – Leader of the Knights Who Say Ni
119. “Welcome, brave sir Knight. Welcome to the Castle Anthrax.” -Zoot
120. “The Castle Anthrax?” -Sir Galahad
121. “Yes—it’s not a very good name, is it? Oh, but we are nice, and we’ll attend to your every need.” -Zoot
122. “It’s just a flesh wound.” – The Black Knight
123. “She turned me into a newt!” – Angry Villager
124. “There are those who call me—Tim.” – Tim The Enchanter
125. “What are you going to do, bleed on me?” – King Arthur
126. “There’s some lovely filth down here.” – Peasant Woman
127. “The Black Knights always triumph!” – Black Knight
128. King Arthur: “Well I can’t just call you man.”
129. “Well you could say Dennis.” – Zoot
130. “I didn’t know you were called Dennis.” – King Arthur
131. “Well you didn’t bother to find out, did you?” -Dennis
132. “Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.” – Cleric
133. “Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail.” – King Arthur
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