Starring a young Adam Sandler, happy gilmore is a cult classic that has made audiences laugh for over 20 years. Relive the movie’s hilarious moments through these happy gilmore quotes.
Happy Gilmore Quotes
Explore Happy Gilmore’s story once more by reading the amusing remarks that follow.
1. “Hey, why don’t I just go eat some hay, make things out of clay, lay by the bay? I just may! What’d ya say?” – Happy Gilmore (Adam Sandler)
2. “You little son of a bitch ball! Why don’t you just go home? That’s your home! Are you too good for your home? Answer me! Suck my white ass, ball!” – Happy Gilmore (Adam Sandler)
3. “I didn’t break it, I was merely testing its durability, and I placed it in the woods cause it’s made of wood and I thought he should be with his family.” – Happy Gilmore (Adam Sandler)
4. “But she’s an old lady. I mean, look at her. She’s old. You can’t just take her stuff. She’s too old.” – Happy Gilmore (Adam Sandler)
5. “During high school, I played junior hockey and still hold two league records: most time spent in the penalty box; and I was the only guy to ever take off his skate and try to stab somebody.” – Happy Gilmore (Adam Sandler)
6. “You’re gonna die, clown!” – Happy Gilmore (Adam Sandler)
7. “Did that go in? I wasn’t watching, did it go in? I didn’t see it, could you tell me if it went in?” – Happy Gilmore (Adam Sandler)
8. “Friends listen to “Endless Love” in the dark.” – Happy Gilmore (Adam Sandler)
9. “I’d love to punch that guy in the face right now. But I can’t, you know, because I’d get in trouble. I bet you get a lot of that on “Let’s Make A Deal.” – Happy Gilmore (Adam Sandler)
10. “The price is wrong, bitch.” – Happy Gilmore
11. “I’m stupid. You’re smart. I was wrong. You were right. You’re the best. I’m the worst. You’re very good-looking. I’m not attractive.” – Happy Gilmore (Adam Sandler)
12. “I am good. You know what, you’re a lousy kindergarten teacher. I’ve seen those finger-paintings you bring home and they suck.” – Happy Gilmore (Adam Sandler)
13. “That’s my puck, baby, don’t you ever touch my puck.” – Happy Gilmore Quotes
14. “Yeah, it is about time! I mean I just couldn’t get the ball in the hole! I wanted to but I just couldn’t do it!” – Happy Gilmore (Adam Sandler)
15. “Just tap it in. Just tap it in. Give it a little tappy. Tap tap taparoo.” – Happy Gilmore (Adam Sandler)
16. “Whoa, must be Burt Reynolds or somethin’.” – Happy Gilmore (Adam Sandler)
17. “I got into this tournament for one reason: money. And now I have a new reason: kicking your ass!” – Happy Gilmore (Adam Sandler)
18. “Green jacket, gold jacket who gives a crap?” – Happy Gilmore (Adam Sandler)
19. “If I saw myself in clothes like that, I’d have to kick my own ass.” – Happy Gilmore (Adam Sandler)
20. “Yeah, well we won’t have to worry about eating anymore, Grandma. See, they gave me this card: free Subway for life.” – Happy Gilmore (Adam Sandler)
21. “You’re in big trouble though, pal. I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!” – Shooter McGavin (Christopher McDonald)
22. “You lay another finger on me, I burn the house down and piss on the ashes.” – Shooter McGavin (Christopher McDonald)
23. “Damn you people. This is golf. Not a rock concert.” – Shooter McGavin (Christopher McDonald)
24. “I tell you, the real winner today is the city of Portland. Every time I come here it gets hard to leave. I bet you put something to the water.” – Shooter McGavin (Christopher McDonald)
25. “Oh, you can count. Good for you.” – Shooter McGavin (Christopher McDonald)
26. “You’re gonna die, clown!” – Happy Gilmore
27. “You’re gonna need a blanket and suntan lotion, ‘cause you’re never gonna get off that beach, just like the way you never got into the NHL, ya jackass.” – Jeering fan
Best Happy Gilmore Quotes
28. “Hey, why don’t I just go eat some hay, make things out of clay, lay by the bay? I just may! What’d ya say?” – Happy Gilmore
29. “You can trouble me for a warm glass of shut-the-hell-up.” – Orderly Nurse
30. “What? I didn’t break it. I was just testing its durability.” – Happy Gilmore Quotes
31. “The price is wrong, bitch!” – Happy Gilmore
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32. “You little son of a bitch ball! Why don’t you just go home? That’s your home! Are you too good for your home?” – Happy Gilmore
33. “It’s all in the hips. It’s all in the hips. It’s all in the hips.” – Chubbs Peterson
34. “And you can count on me, waiting for you in the parking lot.” – Mr. Larson
35. “But she’s an old lady. I mean, look at her. She’s old. You can’t just take her stuff. She’s too old.” – Happy Gilmore
36. “Damned alligator just popped up, cut me down on my prime.” – Carl Weathers
37. “Lot of pressure. You’ve gotta rise above it. You’ve got to harness in the good energy, block out the bad.” – Gary Potter
38. “Some might call it luck. I like to call it—well, luck, I guess. So what?” – Happy Gilmore Quotes
39. “Damn you, people. Go back to your shanties.” – Shooter McGavin
40. “I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!” – Shooter McGavin
41. “Green jacket, gold jacket, who gives a crap?” – Happy Gilmore
42. “Just tap it in. Just tap it in. Give it a little tappy, tap, tap, taparoo.” – Happy Gilmore
43. “Did that go in? I wasn’t watching, did it go in? I didn’t see it, could you tell me if it went in?” – Happy Gilmore
44. “I’m stupid. You’re smart. I was wrong. You were right. You’re the best. I’m the worst. You’re very good looking. I’m not attractive.” – Happy Gilmore
45. “I’d love to punch that guy in the face right now. But I can’t, you know, because I’d get in trouble. I bet you get a lot of that on ‘Let’s make a deal.’” – Happy Gilmore
46. “I am good. You know what, you’re a lousy kindergarten teacher. I’ve seen those finger-paintings you bring home and they suck.” – Happy Gilmore
47. “You were great out there today. But not that great. A lot of that was luck.” – Chubbs Peterson
48. “Yeah, it is about time! I mean I just couldn’t get the ball in the hole! I wanted to but I just couldn’t do it!” – Happy Gilmore
49. “Uh oh, Happy learned how to putt.” – Happy Gilmore
50. “I got into this tournament for one reason—money. And now I have a new reason—kicking your ass!” – Happy Gilmore
51. “Nah, it looks that way cause you’ve only got one shoe on.” – Happy Gilmore
52. “What? Friends listen to ‘Endless Love’ in the dark.” – Happy Gilmore Quotes
53. “That’s my puck baby. Don’t ever touch my puck!” – Happy Gilmore
54. “Damn alligator bit my hand off!” – Chubbs Peterson
55. “You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?” – Happy Gilmore
56. “If I saw myself in clothes like that, I’d have to kick my own ass.” – Happy Gilmore
57. “I think I just killed that mister, Mister Lady.” – Happy Gilmore
58. “You know what else could draw a crowd? A golfer with an arm growing out of his ass.” – Shooter McGavin
59. “Yeah, right. And Grizzly Adams had a beard.” – Shooter McGavin
60. “It’s great, the other day one of his fans moaned me. He had Happy written on his ass. HA on the one cheek, and sure enough PPY on the other.” – Shooter McGavin
Famous Happy Gilmore Quotes
61. “I’ll make you a bet. If you get this puck into that net, I’ll never bother you again. But if you miss, you have to give me a big fat kiss. And you have to pretend you like it too.” – Happy Gilmore
62. “Oh, you can count. Good for you.” – Shooter McGavin
63. “All you ever talk about is becoming a pro hockey player, but there’s a problem—you’re not any good.” – Terry
64. “Thank you, Doug. You know, I saw Doug playing yesterday. And I’ve got to tell you, this guy spends more time on the sand than David Hasselhoff.” – Shooter McGavin
65. “You’re in my world now, grandma.” – Orderly Nurse
66. “I tell you, the real winner today is the city of Portland. Every time I come here it gets hard to leave. I bet you put something in the water.” – Shooter McGavin
67. “Holy shit. Talk about your all-time backfires.” – Happy Gilmore Quotes
68. “What are you doing, Happy? Riding a bull? You’re acting like a damn fool!” – Chubbs Peterson
69. “I’ll bet your neighbor the accountant doesn’t have a shot at joining the pro tour and winning the championships. Get that gold jacket like I never got.” – Chubbs Peterson
70. “This is golf. Not a rock concert.” – Shooter McGavin
71. “Golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass. You should talk to my neighbor, the accountant. Probably a great golfer. Huge ass.” – Happy Gilmore
72. “There is no way that you could have been as bad at hockey as you are at golf.” – Bob Barker
73. “I can’t believe you’re a professional golfer. I think you should be working at the snack bar.” – Bob Barker
74. “Golf requires concentration and focus.” – Chubbs Peterson
75. “Golf’s no different from hockey. It requires talent and self-discipline.” – Chubbs Peterson
76. “You know what’s driving me crazy? You’re not getting the ball in the hole!” – Bob Baker
77. “Stop fraternizing with the help of Gilmore. Just hit your ball if you can find it.” – Shooter McGavin
78. “Just easing the tension, baby. Just easing the tension.” – Chubbs Peterson
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79. “What’s this I hear about you breaking a rake and throwing it in the woods?” – Virginia Venit
80. “During high school, I played junior hockey and still hold two league records. Most time spent in the penalty box and I was the only guy to ever take off his skate and try to stab somebody.” – Happy Gilmore
81. “Whoa, must be Burt Reynolds or somethin’.” – Happy Gilmore Quotes
82. “Just stay out of my way or you’ll pay. Listen to what I say.” – Shooter McGavin
83. “I thought we were going to be just friends?” – Virginia Venit
Interesting Happy Gilmore Quotes
84. “Here, eat that and leave us alone!” – Happy Gilmore
85. “Yeah, well we won’t have to worry about eating anymore, Grandma. See, they gave me this card—free subway for life.” – Happy Gilmore
86. “Well now your backs are gonna hurt, cause you just pulled landscaping duty. Anyone else’s fingers hurt?” – Orderly Nurse
87. Chubbs Peterson: “They never let me play on the pro tour.”
88. Happy Gilmore: “Oh, I’m sorry. Because you’re Black?”
89. “Who the hell is Happy Gilmore?” – Announcer
90. “Mister! Mister! Get me outta here!” – Crazy Old Lady
91. “Now you’re gonna get it Bobby.” – Happy Gilmore
92. “I was just looking for the other half of this bottle.” – Happy Gilmore Quotes
93. “I beg to differ, Happy Gilmore accomplished that feat no more than an hour ago.” – Mr. Larson
94. “Now you’ve had enough, bitch.” – Bob Barker
95. “I don’t want a piece of you. I want the whole thing!” – Bob Barker
96. “We haven’t seen Happy Gilmore play this badly since his first day on tour. He and Bob Barker are now dead.” – Announcer
97. “Shooter! Wanna go to the sizzler and catch some grub?” – Donald
98. “Somebody’s closer.” – Happy Gilmore
99. “You’re pretty sick, Chubbs.” – Happy Gilmore
100. “Quite a large and economically diverse crowd here at the Michelob Invitational.” – Announcer
101. “Take one more step, I burn the house and piss on the ashes.” – Shooter McGavin
102. “Spoken like a true asshole.” – Chubbs Peterson
103. “He shouldn’t have been standing there.” – Happy Gilmore
104. “Good news, everybody, we’re extending arts and crafts time by four hours today.” – Orderly Nurse
105. “Well, You’re a little banged up but no serious injuries. Just keep off your feet for a few days.” – Doctor
106. “Don’t push me, Bob! Now’s not the time.” – Happy Gilmore
Happy Gilmore has wanted to play hockey professionally since he was a young boy. He was never good enough to become a hockey player, but he did get angry before he found golf as a new pastime.
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